No, i'm not thinking about the book written by Charles Dicken or the film starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Its more along the train of thoughts about the expectations we have for ourselves or the happenings in our lives.
What are expectations? As defined in wikipedia - In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.
How do these feelings of disappointments or surprises arise when expectations are not met? Let's take a moment to investigate, shall we? It helps in understanding ourselves better and the workings of our mind better.
Whenever a pleasant or unpleasant feeling arises, it is usually the resultant of a particular event that has gone either favourably or not. But why does this particular event affect us in such a way and not the thousands or millions of other events that are happening at the exact same moment in time?
The reason is fairly straightforward - there is attachment. Without us attaching any values to the results of these events, we would not be affected by the results no matter now well or bad they turn out. Let's take for example, you hear from your colleague that his uncle has lost a fortune in stocks recently. What is your feeling, your thoughts, your reaction now? Now, let's think of it from ourselves, what would be our feelings, our reactions if we lost a fortune in the same stock? Or if we not invest in stocks at all? All would be very different isn't it? Some stronger than the others and it all depends on if we are personally involved or if we have an interest in the same matter.
Knowing that attachments can bring unhappiness and suffering, why do we still get attached to certain people, objects or events? To know why we persist in our ways despite the suffering it brings, we have to firstly understand that attachment stems from ignorance. When we discuss about ignorance here, it is not the lack of knowledge of a certain matter or subject but rather, it is the ignorance of the fact of impermanence and non-self.
As long as we do not realise impermanence and non-self, we continue to be bound by the illusion of self. As long as we are bound by the illusion of self, we continue to suffer. There is no greater illusion than the illusion of self. Let's take a step back and define ourselves. How do we define ourselves? Where can this self of ours be found? To put it simply, how can do we define 'I'?
Of course, we can point to ourselves now and state that this is 'I'. So, based on that, we can presume that 'I' is made up of the entire being, our mind and body, every single part of it, our eyes, arms, legs, etc. But pause a moment and think, what happen if i lose a arm or leg now. Am 'I' still 'I'? Of course, all of us will say so, we are still ourselves even though we may have lost a limb. Maybe then we retract the earlier statement and say that is physical, so it is not the real 'I'. It is our mind that truly defines 'I', it is what and how we think, our thoughts, our feelings that define the real 'I". Then, are we able to point a finger to our head and say this is my mind, my thoughts and feelings? Again, no, we are just pointing to the place where our brain resides, that is all. And do you happen to notice how we address it with terms like my head or my brain or my mind? It is put in such a way that it belongs to someone, 'I' to be exact. So where is this 'I' that owns my mind, my body, my thoughts and my feelings? Not to say 'I' does not exist but it simply do not exist in the way we believe it to be.
As the Buddha has skilfully taught, 'I' is but a false sense of self that set itself up in a temporary collection of elements when the conditions are ripe and when the conditions are no longer, it dissolves away. In Buddhism, the analogy of a cart is often used to illustrate this point. A cart may be broken down into its basic components -axle, wheels, shafts, sides, etc. Then the cart is there no more; all we have is nothing but a pile of components. In the same way 'I' am made up of various elements or aggregates (skandhas): form (body), perception, conception, volition and consciousness (mind). Upon death these elements do not vanish from the face of the universe, they form new combinations elsewhere. Thus the whole universe is a great, ever-changing orchestration of interconnected movements without beginning or end.
By realising the truth of impermanance and non-self, we can learn to be free of attachments. Freed of attachments, we can be free from suffering. Without attachments and a sense of false self, we wil learn to live in the present moment and no longer be perturbed by the turn of events, no matter how favourable or unfavourable it may be. Remember the story about the Happiness of a Car Salesman? How infinite happiness can be obtained with Zero expectations? Maybe you don't but here's the link to it Happiness of a Car Salesman
May all of us be free from suffering. May all of us soon attain sorrowless bliss. With metta.
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