Recalling some comments made by my closest friends about me, it really sets me thinking. Some of these comments are way back in time but most of it are quite recent, as recent as last afternoon.
The comments are not bad ones, most of them are compliments but these compliments are the parts that i felt i'm very undeserving and ashamed of. The general comments are i'm too nice to people and don't really look out for myself, i'm also too serious about life and trying too hard to do what's best. But I'm really not that good a person that i being made out to be - trust me, my little sis can vouch for it; i'm never a good brother (at most a medicore one) especially in the past.
Some of them even went as far as to call me a lighthouse; lighting up for others but forgetting to light up the very own ground its standing on. Haha, and my parents call me a "cha tao kia" in teochew which translate roughly to blockhead becos i usually don't know how to say no.
But am i that seflless? i often beg to differ. I'm not a holy man, i'm just a guy who tries to better his life and the lives of the people around as much as possible. I do look out for myself but it's just that i choose to do it in a very mild manner, maybe that's the reason people think i'm not assertive enough. A couple of them have been telling me off on this.
I also have conflicting moments within myself, some parts of me thinking for myself while the other parts thinking for others, ending up sometimes with a less than desired action. A good example of such conflicting thoughts is when i knew that C might be going abroad for 3 years for work.
C is one of those people that i really enjoying being around with and knowing this i do somewhat a tug within myself. But of course, i will not and do not say such things like "i'm sure you can find an equal or better opp in S'pore, there's no need to go overseas"; as saying such things will not be in C's best interest. I believe if we really care for someone, we do what is best for the other person; in this case, just talk about it without influencing. I'm sure C knows and will decide and do what is best for herself. =)
Saturday 24 February 2007
Tuesday 13 February 2007
Circle of Our Beings
Came across an article about the circles in our lives in yesterday's papers. In the article, the columnist wrote about his reflections and views on some reading materials revolving our social circles.
One of his reading material that stood out from the rest > CHASING DAYLIGHT: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life by Eugene O'Kelly (former CEO of KPMG, one of the biggest accounting firms in the world, aka one of the big 4). Guess it stood out from the rest and caught my eye as i too, am part of the accounting world.
Here's a link to a brief description of what it is.
KPMG Chief Executive's Last 100 Days
From my eyes, i see many people, including some of my colleagues around me, mirroring the life of Eugene O'Kelly. Working their life away without realising their priorities in life, putting in super long working hours day after day. Yes, like O'Kelly, most of us will justify that we are doing these long hours for our family and for our future easy retirement life with our loved ones.
But look at what happened to O'Kelly and it only proved one thing. The future is uncertain. He spent so much time with his outer circle of his life (made up by his acquaintances and business associates) that he neglected his inner circle (made up by his immediate family members). So much so that he missed all the major school events of his 14 year old daughter.
He did not sink into depression but he chose to use his remaining days wisely. He quit his job and set about managing his death, living his life anew. With his deathbed chronicles, he seemed to be probing the reader to re-think about his or her life and if we had struck the right balance without neglecting our core circle.
So have we strike the right balance? Only we know the answers. We can only wish that the answers do not fly into our face when we are facing our very last moments and that we realise it much earlier in our everyday living. =)
One of his reading material that stood out from the rest > CHASING DAYLIGHT: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life by Eugene O'Kelly (former CEO of KPMG, one of the biggest accounting firms in the world, aka one of the big 4). Guess it stood out from the rest and caught my eye as i too, am part of the accounting world.
Here's a link to a brief description of what it is.
KPMG Chief Executive's Last 100 Days
From my eyes, i see many people, including some of my colleagues around me, mirroring the life of Eugene O'Kelly. Working their life away without realising their priorities in life, putting in super long working hours day after day. Yes, like O'Kelly, most of us will justify that we are doing these long hours for our family and for our future easy retirement life with our loved ones.
But look at what happened to O'Kelly and it only proved one thing. The future is uncertain. He spent so much time with his outer circle of his life (made up by his acquaintances and business associates) that he neglected his inner circle (made up by his immediate family members). So much so that he missed all the major school events of his 14 year old daughter.
He did not sink into depression but he chose to use his remaining days wisely. He quit his job and set about managing his death, living his life anew. With his deathbed chronicles, he seemed to be probing the reader to re-think about his or her life and if we had struck the right balance without neglecting our core circle.
So have we strike the right balance? Only we know the answers. We can only wish that the answers do not fly into our face when we are facing our very last moments and that we realise it much earlier in our everyday living. =)
Thursday 8 February 2007
i
The word "i" in the normal english context refers to the speaker himself or herself. In the case when we mentioned the word "i", it simply refers to ourselves. How does "i" apply in our daily lives? A question i often asked myself and the people around me.
Maybe just let me put down my views on this word in writing which had been shared so many times over with my friends conversationally. The meaning and the application for the word "i" differs from person to person and it reflects the growth of a person emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
For a narrow view, "i" simply means nothing more than me and myself only. Constantly holding such a view in our mind restricts one from considering and factoring others into our daily decisions. Such a view may not be healthy and beneficial in the long run for ourselves and the people around us.
From a Zen perspective, all conditioned beings and matter are non-self. They do not have an independent self but rather all conditioned beings and matter are inter-dependent. There cannot be "i" without "you" and we cannot know "long" unless we know "short". Keeping this in mind, we understand that our actions affect not only us but everyone in this world.
Of course, we may argue that it does not. Afterall, how can an action made in the far eastern part of the world have an impact on the far west? Let me illustrate with an example. Imagine we are in the middle of a big lake and we drop a small stone (akin to a small action) into the middle of the lake. What happens?
Waves of ripples appear starting from where the stone is dropped. The waves are small and it will appear to the naked eye that it disappeared as it spreads out. Probably no more than a few feet. From a scientific view point, we know that waves continued much further than what our naked eye can see.
Likewise, our actions spread far and wide even though we may not see it. Liken to the ripples, the ones affected by our actions are the ones most immediate to us. More than often, they are our families and friends. Just like a bigger stone, the bigger our actions are, the further our waves of influence spread.
With such knowledge that our every little actions affect more than just ourselves, i implore the people around me to expand their cirlce of "i' to include their loved ones such as their family members and friends. Doing so, we will be more mindful of our actions and it will less likely to cause hurt to these people we hold so dear in our hearts. Let's make our "i" a bigger "i". =)
Maybe just let me put down my views on this word in writing which had been shared so many times over with my friends conversationally. The meaning and the application for the word "i" differs from person to person and it reflects the growth of a person emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
For a narrow view, "i" simply means nothing more than me and myself only. Constantly holding such a view in our mind restricts one from considering and factoring others into our daily decisions. Such a view may not be healthy and beneficial in the long run for ourselves and the people around us.
From a Zen perspective, all conditioned beings and matter are non-self. They do not have an independent self but rather all conditioned beings and matter are inter-dependent. There cannot be "i" without "you" and we cannot know "long" unless we know "short". Keeping this in mind, we understand that our actions affect not only us but everyone in this world.
Of course, we may argue that it does not. Afterall, how can an action made in the far eastern part of the world have an impact on the far west? Let me illustrate with an example. Imagine we are in the middle of a big lake and we drop a small stone (akin to a small action) into the middle of the lake. What happens?
Waves of ripples appear starting from where the stone is dropped. The waves are small and it will appear to the naked eye that it disappeared as it spreads out. Probably no more than a few feet. From a scientific view point, we know that waves continued much further than what our naked eye can see.
Likewise, our actions spread far and wide even though we may not see it. Liken to the ripples, the ones affected by our actions are the ones most immediate to us. More than often, they are our families and friends. Just like a bigger stone, the bigger our actions are, the further our waves of influence spread.
With such knowledge that our every little actions affect more than just ourselves, i implore the people around me to expand their cirlce of "i' to include their loved ones such as their family members and friends. Doing so, we will be more mindful of our actions and it will less likely to cause hurt to these people we hold so dear in our hearts. Let's make our "i" a bigger "i". =)
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