身影

我剛才乘搭地鐵時好像看到一位側影相似Qin在MacPherson站下車。也來不及確認但心情絕對變得七上八下。不知道我是否錯過了與Qin見面的機會又或是我想太多，眼睛在跟我開玩笑...

Mind is No Mind. Mind is Luminosity

Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche mentioned this in his recent talk at University of Carlifornia, Berkeley - Buddha once said Mind is No Mind. Mind is Luminosity.

Rinpoche clarified that though this statement itself looks and sounds contradictory but it presents the essence of the Buddha Dhamma, the non-duality nature of all phenomena.

Mind is a valid relative truth and yet when we analysed deeply enough, mind is but a concept that can be deconstructed in the ultimate truth / reality.

And this is the tricky part. Once we start to talk about the ultimate truth and conceptualise it, we must remember the ultimate truth now falls under the scope of relative truth. It is now bound by the limitations of the relative reality.

That is why Buddha often taught that the path is no path and as often he spoke of enlightenment, he also mentioned in his sermons that there is no enlightenment. Samsara and nibbana cannot be separated.

However that does not mean to say that enlightenment does not exist or is not valid anymore. As long as our minds are cluttered and bound by the notion of self, we are still trapped within the boundaries of the relative reality. And so the path Buddha prescribed is still valid, making it a useful tool to help us break free, to attain liberation in this relative reality.

When the mind is luminous, only then can we experience samsara and nibbana simultaneously, realising they are both one and not separated.

Circle Mirror Transformation

Great evening out with Elieen, we had very good seats allocated to us. It was definitely worthwhile getting the season tickets again from Pangdemoniun. I have been getting very decent seatings so far for the last 2 years. Excellent view.

Here are some of my thoughts and feelings about the show Circle Mirror Transformation. In summary, it was intensely real to me. Having the privilege of being a part of drama club during my polytechnic days, the activities in Circle Mirror Transformation definitely had a ring of familiarity to it.

The show is about average people, real issues and their interaction with one another. It is about how most of us act to cover up our fears and weakness, how sometimes all it takes is the right trigger and the right opportunity for these issues to intensify and surface. When it does, majority of us will be hoping for a little help and a listening ear but yet we hold back and play down the moment, acting as if it was something else. As we grow older, we have all become very good at this. So here is a play about a bunch of people learning how to act. How apt and ironic at the same time.

I love the way how little moments of awkwardness were cleverly directed to pop up at the appropriate moments throughout the show. One such moment was when Adrian Pang had the conversation with Neo Swee Lin about night terrors. Clearly Adrian touched onto a sensitive area of Swee Lin's. She looked for a quick moment as if she was pleading for help, wanting more advice or at least to hear more from Adrian and Adrian struggled to find a right approach to offer his help and that little awkwardness surfaced. It was so real. How many times in life do we see this play out time and again? More often than we care to admit. 

Although it was an immensely fun show filled with laughter, it is undeniably a well thought out production that showcases about interpersonal relationships between your average run of the mill people. That's how Pangdemonium won me over again with this production - simply because I can relate to the characters as they seemed so real.

Below are some photos of the cast with Adrian thanking the sponsors after the show. You can see how close we were to the stage.  

 

Reconnection

It is amazing how people can reconnect even after 15 years later. It was almost as if we had picked up the conversation right from when we last met, and could hardly feel there was 15 years in between.

I suppose this is what we commonly termed as affinity or karma, something that science cannot explain. It is a direct experience; we just simply know within ourselves if we are comfortable with the other party, how much we can trust and communicate with. Sometimes we struggle to find a reason or explanation why we connect better with some than the others. Maybe we struggle so because there is simply no need to explain the better connectivity. It simply is.

For that i am glad you found my number, allowing us to establish the connection once again. See you soon again :)

Egoistic 2014

In "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying", Sogyal Rinpoche wrote about Ego, how it traps and deceives, causing us to suffer endlessly in this Samsara state. For the last 2 days in 2014, i have contemplated and came to realised how much truth there was in Rinopche's writings, chapters he touched on the subject Ego. 

Ego comes in many forms and manners, but its underlying issue stems from ourselves, how we view ourselves and the world around us. When we are not able to see past our pride, our attachments, our "self", ego has a easy time convincing us that we are "better" or "higher" in the material sense of world, giving us a false sense of inflated self. When that happens, it hinders our development, both in character and spiritually.

Earlier this year, i had a change of portfolio in work, the third in 3 years working for this department. It is not common to have a constant change of portfolio when some colleagues in the department went without much changes in their scope of work for years. I believed it was a recognition of my abilities, comparing to my peers, my bosses had a view that i will be able to undertake the tasks involved more effectively.

My pride in work and this inflated self was further boosted when my department head said during the half year review that he could not see any other who could have done it better. He needed someone strong from the team to handle the changes and he saw me as one of the senior guys (among those who held the same corporate title), making me by far the best choice.

How my pride and inflated self burst during the year end review that i was in fact compared to the "junior members" of the team who were considered to be the same generation as myself. Owing to such a comparison, my performance for 2014 was considered outstanding. Most people would have been very happy in my stead to receive such praise from their managers, saying their work was outstanding. But i felt no such thrill, no such jubilation at what i heard.

I realised the lack of joy was because my inflated ego had made me believed that there was a need for me to perform much more, at a higher standards so that i can be measured against whom i considered to be the more "senior" colleagues. At that point in time, i would have felt better receiving a lesser rating. I had such an egoistic view that a lesser rating among the "seniors" was much better than an outstanding rating among the "juniors".

As i reflected on my feelings and meditated on it, the more i realised how false this ego and self is. This "senior" and "junior" view was simply how biased and subjective i viewed the work around me, making me trying to live up to phantom standards that were not there in the first place, prompting me to recall a story about a car salesman and his index of happiness that Bhante told us during a Dhamma talk - you can read it here

I do not see this experience negatively. Rather than let this ego inflate further by false praises and expectations, hindering spiritual and character development, it is better it burst, allowing me to reconsider my priorities and expectations, walking towards a better 2015 and beyond. 

With this, i end 2014 and wish whoever is reading this post a very Happy New Year filled with much joy and happiness.

A PG Breakfast

I was in my old neighbourhood, Ang Mo Kio Ave 10 for my half yearly dental appointment this morning. It was time for some breakfast after the appointment, I decided to pop over to food center at block 453 (453 market as we know it affectionately) to see if I could join my old pops for breakfast. 

There he was at his usual spot with 2 of his friends. They looked about my father's age, late sixties to mid seventies. I called out to my pa and greeted his friends, uncles in the Sinagporean fashion. In Singapore, any person older than yourself is usually termed as uncle or auntie out of respect for their seniority. 

I sat down beside my pa and ordered my breakfast. While I was midway through the meal, my real paternal uncle, 小叔, passed by. Called out to him and he joined us at our table. 

They started swapping stories about who used to make the best soy bean drink, the best carrot cakes, best fishballs in the past. Unlike these days where most food material came from factories. My pa even remarked that these days even the fishballs are the same size and weight in contrast to the good old days when they were made by hand, lots of texture and flavour despite the irregular sizes and weight. 

They also talked about our government and PAP, how years were good during the 70s and 80s. Everyone could make a comfortable living as long as they worked hard. Shared their opinions and of course, not without a few gripes of their own.

Suddenly I had this feeling that I was a teenager all over again, surrounded by real adult men. It was a good warm feeling on a rainy day. These guys were the heroes of the past. They grew and toiled during our early nation building years, having little or no material comforts. 

They are who in my eyes un-breakable in spirit and willpower despite all the hardships they been through even if the weight of years and hard work causes their backs to bend a little, their eyes a little dimmer today. They are the real deal, Pionner Generation. It was my honour to breakfast with them. 

Active Laziness - Dying before Living

 

The day we were born, we are destined to die. Yet knowing so, most of us are not equipped to handle death well. We go about our lives as if we will live forever and tomorrow always come; believing our family, friends, jobs with all material possessions we hold on will be there in the future as they were yesterday and today. Death then comes as a rude shock to us when we encounter it, how we weep and wail when someone close and dear to us dies.

 

Intellectually, everyone knows that death is inevitable but majority choose to ignore it, numbing ourselves with activities that do not better ourselves or the lives of people around us. This is in stark contrast to older times when people devote time to spiritual studies, reflection and practice for actual realisation of their studies and faith. These days, we simply lose ourselves in a furry of activities, burying ourselves between work and entertainment.  

 

On page 19 of "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying” by Sogyal Rinpoche, he wrote, “there are different species of laziness: Eastern and Western. The Eastern style is like the one practiced to perfection in India. It consists of hanging out all day in the sun, doing nothing, avoiding any kind of work or useful activity, drinking cups of tea, listening to Hindi film music blaring on the radio, and gossiping with friends. Western laziness is quite different. It consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issue.” He calls that Active Laziness.

 

I cannot agree more especially as a person living in a cosmopolitan city like Singapore, we see this sort of Active Laziness on a daily basis. We are active, constantly on the move but despite all these activities, we hardly grow in our ability to deal with death; lazy in our spiritual development. The subject is brushed aside as if it never will happen. Even on our rest days, we filled them up with things to do; places to travel and visit. If we can remind ourselves of impermanence and that life can extinguish in the next moment, we might choose to do things a little different, to be a little more mindful of ourselves and the people around us.

 

It is important to find some time for quiet moments to self reflect, be in touch with our true nature. In addition it is just as important to touch the lives of others around us positively. It can be as simple as spending a few more minutes with our family, sharing precious silent moments, simply knowing we are there for each other. For a friend or a colleague, a simple gesture to bring them a little more joy or lend a listening ear when they need them. No matter how many places we visited, no matter how much material possessions or titles we amassed, there is nothing more real than the here and now, to be mindful of the living and stop the buzzing laziness so prevalent in us who live in this city state, Singapore that we call home.

TF30 Exhibition

Mothership did not mince her words but their review was appropriate. TF30 did fall short of expectations. Most of their models do not look anywhere near the transformers we see in the movies. The saving graces of the exhibition were the pretty interesting 3D mapping light show (repeats every 3 mins) and a fair display of transformers toys and action figurines. Having said that, it did not stop us from having a fun day with the kids, filled with lots of laughter and very bloated stomachs. If you are interested, here's a video of the 3D mapping light show and some photos of the displays.

Three Wishes

Yaozong (Thomas Ong) lost all his memories in the episode 17 of Three Wishes aired yesterday evening. It was the price to pay for his second wish in order to save his dying father, leaving Yaozong a 10 year old again and no recollection of his life after that. 

It was a heartbreaking moment when his wife Shanmei (Huang Biren) found him alone lost in the park but he could not recognise her, greeting her Auntie. The episode was made sadder a couple of minutes later when Yaozong feeling lost, broke down and cried aloud, asking his parents when they have suddenly turned old. He wanted things to turn back to how he remembered. His parents seeing their grown up son sobbing like a child, having no answers for him, broke down together.

Scenes in tv series though often dramatised for effects, are in some ways reflecting our daily lives and concerns. It has set me thinking, what happens if one day any of my family members or myself lose our memories? Often our relationships are determined and influenced by our past memories. Will I still be my parents' son? Will I still be my siblings' brother? Will I still be your friend? Will I still be me? 

Qin, 你好嗎？我真的很挂念你

For your last 2 birthdays, this was the only way to wish you. It meant to me lots to see your reply on the post, to know that you have read the birthday message. 能看到你給我的祝願 that is the best birthday present i have received this year. My birthday wishes for the last 3 years was that my family and people around me are happy and well and also to have news from you again. 真的很感恩 it came true this year. My number remains unchanged. Just want you to know i'm still here.

The Rise & Fall of Little Voice

Another wicked production from Pangdemonium that just ended its run last Sunday. And i have to say, it was very nicely adapted to woo the local audience. 

Lots of jokes and puns were referenced to Singapore's very own unique scenes, winning lots of laughter from the audience. Let me describe one of the jokes and you will know what it means if you are a local.

Mr Boo (played by Rishi) thanked the sponsors in the opening act and so he goes on with the list of sponsors, "... National Arts Council ... Lee Foundation. Not that Lee, but this Lee that actually gives you money". Get it?

Mina Kaye who played the part of LV or Little Voice impressed me greatly in this performance. She was extraordinary. Her last performance in A Singaporean in Paris was admirable but did not exactly wow me.

This time, she did and i mean WOW. My friends (Megha, Cecilia) who attended the performance with me had nothing but praises for her too. This is no mean feat especially when we consider the fact that she acted alongside Adrian Pang in this production.

Far too often, Adrian Pang who has such a commanding presence on stage, tends to steal the limelight from the leads even when he is cast in a supporting role. Adrian Pang delivered as usual but Mina Kaye with her powerful performance, managed to keep the spotlight focused on her without being overshadowed.  

Can't wait to see Pangdemonium's next performance starring Adrian Pang and Janice Koh. I loved their intense performance from Rabbit Hole last year and i wondered if they will top that in their next collaboration come this October.

Qin 生日快樂

Titans of the Past

Usually i will take the kids out for a day during school holidays (conditions permitting) especially June and December. For this December school holidays we went to Titans of the Past exhibition held at Science center. Here are some photos from the trip.

修行 (Practice)

修行，修行，修到行為止。

From dictionary, the word practice means repeated and systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring proficiency. Simply said, "Practice till it's perfect."

And if we are to look at the Chinese words separately, it will more aptly describe the path of cultivation. 

修 - it can be described in English as the action to refine, to cut. What do we refine and what do we cut in our practice? We refine our character and we cut away our cravings. These two go hand in hand, one cannot be accomplished without the other.

行 - in English, it can be translated as the action of travelling, or simply the path. The path is a journey all of us undertake but what we cultivate, sow and reap is up to the individual. So the types of seeds we plant during this path will determine the fruits that we enjoy throughout the journey. 

Put the two together, it is not difficult to understand that the 修行 (Practice) is the path we travel to attain the right fruits from the right effort made in refining our character.

Ah Beng Musical

Broadway Beng - Benging you back to Basics delivers all the entertainment and laughter that their posters suggest. Its our first "Beng" experience but no doubt about it, Mark, Tracy, Cecilia and I had a wicked good time, all 90 mins.

Ah Phew (Broadway Beng) brought us back to his childhood, his teenage years through a number of skits. One of the more memorable skits was Justice Bao. Imagine Ah Phew as Bao, my goodness, its a recipe for a devastating proportion of comics (I get will back to that later).

As all four of are born in the late 70s, the stage backdrop was awfully familiar. If you are born in the 70s, grew up in the HDB neighbourhood like us, you will know of the playgrounds that are shaped after a dragon (very nostalgic, brought back lots of fond memories). And the design was quite ingenious, the eye of the dragon is a disco light ball.

Yes, you guessed it, there was a skit about tea dances, ever popular in the 80s. Skit was done with Ah Phew sporting the curry puff hair. It was the "in" hairstyle those days. Most guys would dream about having that perfect curry puff but just couldn't get it right despite using a whole bottle of gel. Of course, it looks absolutely ridiculous now if anyone of us tries to go out with that kind of hair.

Back to Justice Bao, i totally dig the way Ah Phew and his cast of CHIO BUs (beautiful girls in Hokkien) changed 威武 (Wei Wu - loosely translates as mighty) to Buay Who (meaning late, not in time) when they started the court session. Seamlessly, this led to a comic presentation of our current daily issues such as train breakdowns, White Paper and our children's education. 

Speaking of children, this was the part Ian entered the show. Who is Ian? An adorable eight year old boy who speaks way better Hokkien than most of us do these days. For the record, he even sang in Hokkien. Beat that.

Thinking back, there is an underlying message beneath all the laughter that the brains behind this production is spreading. The vision of our past, present and future and what we truly want as a Singaporean and our hopes for the next generation.

Do we want to become a nation where trains breakdown frequently due to overcrowding or let our children's childhood be filled with an uphill task of chasing after impossible academic achievements?

Or do we want to preserve our culture and foster a better environment where we can pass down things that matters more than paper chase and material gains to the next generation?

Ah Phew already has his answer when he said nearing the close of the show that he like to pass the baton to Ian when he is old. Ian can then take over his role as Beng and do the 152th Broadway Beng. But Ian has bigger hopes, he believes the 152th Broadway Beng will be done by his grandson, not himself.

As the Chinese saying goes, 人小小志氣大. I think we all have great hopes for Ian and our next generation. J

Equally Unique

As we grow older and understand more about ourselves, we realise that all of us are born unique and that is the very reason we are all equal. This is contrary to what we have been educated and conditioned to think about ourselves from young, that we are born special, that we can be a cut above the rest, different from others.

Yet old habits die hard. This is what results in our pride, our ego, our failure to see and realise our mistakes especially when one is made and pointed out by others. To overcome our habitual energies, we need to practice, to reflect constantly on our attachment to this self, this ego. Only with the practice of mindfulness, we will be able learn to catch ourselves when we are feeling prideful and let go of such feelings as they arise. 

By constantly reminding ourselves that we are inherently the same in our goal for happiness, our empathy for others will nauturally grow and we will find it easier for us to accept and consider people around us for every action and decision we take. This itself is also another form of mindfulness practice. If we practice well, harmonious living in our family and community is not only possible, it can also multiply joy many times over. 

That being said, it is also our responbility as adults of our own community to teach and guide the younger members that they are not as special as they believe they are. Instead, teach them and let them learn, let them explore how unique each and everyone of them is and that is the very quality that makes each individual equal and not so different.

Life

Most of us want an easy life but what we truly need is a good life. Bulk of the time, we do not realise what we want may not be good for ourselves. And even more so, how little we appreciate the fact that our true needs for betterment of our lives may not come easy.

Gardenasia - Q2 Team Event

Its our quarterly team event last friday and we went to Gardenasia at Kranji, a garden landscaping company. For our team event, we learn a bit more on how to recycle used plastic and papers and make them into small art decorations. 3 pics to share and they have abosolutely nothing to do with what we made during the session. I just happen to snap them when they gave us a little tour around their premises.

RWS S.E.A. Aquarium

Sharing a few pics from the recent visit to RWS S.E.A. Aquarium

Ah Mah Laa Kopi

Although grandma, whom we affectionately call Ah Mah, can no longer be with us physically but she continues to be us in all other aspects. I like how Bhante put it across, that we may be sad and there may be sorrow but more importantly when we think of her, we should remember all the goodness Ah Mah represents and celebrate her full life.

There is a little story about Ah Mah that i recall fondly with people who knows her. Allow me to also share this lovely memory with you. Whenever I say this little tale about Ah Mah, i start off telling everyone that grandma is a smart woman and she gets what she wants in the smoothest possible manner you can imagine. She's one slick lady, i grant you that :) 

Due to Ah Mah's condition, she is not allowed to have too much of any type of food and that includes coffee that most of us take for granted. But grandma do love her caffeine drink so. And each time we drink coffee, she will say in Teochew, "So fragrant! What drink are you having?" 

We will tell her its Kopi and she will smile at us, "Oh, that's very nice. Can you drink and leave a little to share with me?" Tendency is we share a 1/4 of a cup with her so she can have enjoy her small request  without causing any unncessary stress on her body.

And I realised she does that to each and everyone of us whenever we have a cup of coffee with us. I caught her asking one of our dhamma friend to share coffee with her after she already had some of mine. I exclaimed, "Ah Mah, you already had some! Hahaha. You are really good! At this rate you are asking, you probably be drinking the equivalent of a full cup of coffee, without anyone the wiser!

So there's Ah Mah with her 小把戲, don't you agree she is one smooth operator? :)