Knowing You, Knowing Me

Sparked off by some recent conversations with different friends.

When you will truly know a person? Sometimes the answer can be a whole lifetime; and for some, it can be a very long time such as minimally a couple of years; and almost never within a few weeks or a few months. You may disagree with me but there is a difference between affinity (otherwise your commonly known chemistry or fate) and knowing a person well.

There can be spontaneity between two persons and they seem also to be able to know and complement the thinking of each other but that is not true knowing of a person. Of course there are certain people whom you can get to know much better or deeper in a shorter time frame than another person whom you may have known for a longer time. It all depends on each individual as each of our encouter is unique but it will definitely take time.

My friends, as you read this, ask yourself this question ~ how well do you know your good friends. I'm sure if you really look deeply and truthfully, then the answer is not very. There might be some mutual understanding and trust developed over the years but the answer remains the same, we don't. If not, how can we otherwise explain why married couples fight. If they truly know each other and developed their empathy for their partner to the point of perfection, there will not be any disagreement in the first place. That is why in relationship, we learn to communicate and be truthful and sincere about our dealings. If we have not done so in the past, let us do so in the present and the future.

Told a friend that there are 3 types of chemistry out there (sorry for generalisation as it can never be truly what you called an accruate reflection of reality but i need to illustrate my point) : -

1) people whom you develop an affinity for,

2) people who develop an affinity for yourself and

3) people who develop mutual affinity with you

The illustration came about as part of the explanation to my friend's question on my singlehood after so many years (haha) which is coming close to a decade. Not that i did not meet ladies that i feel that i have an affinity with but it also depends whether they feel the same thing for me too. I believe it has to be mutual and i do not believe in rushing into a relationship without knowing a person better and that takes time.

If we enter into a relationship whom we have an affinity for but your partner is pressed into the relationship and the chemistry is not mutual, the result can be devasating. What happened if your other half meets their deemed "One" in a later stage of the relationship? Your partner might feel obliged to stay on the relation and you may remain oblivious to that fact and he/she suffers as you are not his/her "True One". If not, he/she leaves you and if you can't let go, you will feel betrayed. Either way, someone gets hurt.

What happened if you are the one that the other party develops a chemistry for but you do not feel the same. Based on the above, my advice is ~ don't get involved if you can find your heart to care for that person. You do not want to hurt the person if the roles are as reversed in the above-mentioned scenario. As said many times before, compassion and love has to be tempered with wisdom, otherwise it will be idiotic compassion and love. This is also mindfulness training, to be mindful and considerate of the people that appear in your life, no matter how brief it may be. I think i made my point here. Do you get it?

My dear friends, i will continue more of this topic in private if you wish. Hahaha, I don't wish to bore the rest of my friends that only like to read very short entries.

Btw, for those in love, i wish you all the best in your relationships and that may be many moments of blissfulness for you and your partner. =)