Lighthouse?

Recalling some comments made by my closest friends about me, it really sets me thinking. Some of these comments are way back in time but most of it are quite recent, as recent as last afternoon.

The comments are not bad ones, most of them are compliments but these compliments are the parts that i felt i'm very undeserving and ashamed of. The general comments are i'm too nice to people and don't really look out for myself, i'm also too serious about life and trying too hard to do what's best. But I'm really not that good a person that i being made out to be - trust me, my little sis can vouch for it; i'm never a good brother (at most a medicore one) especially in the past.

Some of them even went as far as to call me a lighthouse; lighting up for others but forgetting to light up the very own ground its standing on. Haha, and my parents call me a "cha tao kia" in teochew which translate roughly to blockhead becos i usually don't know how to say no.

But am i that seflless? i often beg to differ. I'm not a holy man, i'm just a guy who tries to better his life and the lives of the people around as much as possible. I do look out for myself but it's just that i choose to do it in a very mild manner, maybe that's the reason people think i'm not assertive enough. A couple of them have been telling me off on this.

I also have conflicting moments within myself, some parts of me thinking for myself while the other parts thinking for others, ending up sometimes with a less than desired action. A good example of such conflicting thoughts is when i knew that C might be going abroad for 3 years for work.

C is one of those people that i really enjoying being around with and knowing this i do somewhat a tug within myself. But of course, i will not and do not say such things like "i'm sure you can find an equal or better opp in S'pore, there's no need to go overseas"; as saying such things will not be in C's best interest. I believe if we really care for someone, we do what is best for the other person; in this case, just talk about it without influencing. I'm sure C knows and will decide and do what is best for herself. =)